It’s a posh little diner, like a Denny’s for adults with a full bar and 20’s themed music and decorations. It’s on Capital Hill, which is really the gay/hipster/crazy/art student/druggie/alternative/whatever part of the city.
About two minutes after we were seated, a drag queen came in to meet with her friend who was already waiting in a half-booth (half booth, half chairs). The one who was sitting down was black, long straight hair, stony-faced and sophisticated. Her friend who came in was white, bright blonde hair, wearing very short shorts.
These are some excerpts that we overheard from their conversation:
“Aw hell no! HELL NO! I am not sitting there.” The moment the blonde walked into the room she erupted into this little monologue. She walked past her friend and sat down at a full booth directly behind me. “That shit ain’t classy. You got a half booth? That ain’t classy. I AM NOT sitting in a chair.”
Her friend chuckled and joined her. They ordered around the same time we did. One of them got a salad. They both got Diet Pepsi. Someone got pork roast. The waiter offered them soup, which was barley and beef, “Oh that sounds good, how bout we get that?” “Oh no, I don’t eat beef.”
- - -
“I wanted to go to 13 Coins tonight, but they charge too much. I’d have to schedule another appointment to afford that.”
- - -
“You know it was funny. We got in the car and he pulled out a condom to show me…And then he didn’t put it on? I’m like, why would you even bring a condom if you’re not going to use it on me? Rude!”
- - -
“There are like six people in this room.”
*counts*
“Two…four…six…eight. Eight people in this room.”
“You know they can hear everything we’re talking about.”
“No they can’t, and even if they do, who cares, they’re having their own conversations. They can’t hear us. They don’t care.”
(We were dead quiet most of the time.)
- - -
“I don’t usually have good gaydar, but I can tell if you’ve got that whole I’ve had sex with a girl thing. If you’re gay. I can just tell. I just know.”
- - -
“Oh I like going down on girls too, it’s fun!”
- - -
“Obviously, it’s like the oldest profession in the book! Obviously!”
- - -
“It’s not like I’m with men for free!”
- - -
“She took me in because she was a call girl.”
“Call girl?”
“You know you call up the number and she’s all sexy and like ‘Oh hey, how are you?’”
“Right.”
“So she could relate and she told me ‘You gotta do what you gotta do’, and let me stay with her. But she wouldn’t let me bring a trick in without a cut of the money. I would give her $20 every time just to keep her happy, she was an alcoholic too, so she’d just use it to buy booze.”
- - -
“She got a boob job.”
“Oh wow, really.”
“Yeah but she gained a lot of weight and it hasn’t helped. She’s just kind of stocky when she sits, but when she stands up it’s like whoa! She’s all over the place.”
“Does she have hips or a flat ass?”
“…”
“Oh she got that done too? She’s a piece of work!”
- - -
The blonde one got a phone call at one point, and she put her friend on speaker phone for the whole restaurant to hear.
“What’s worse, Seattle or Portland?”
“Portland by FAR.”
“How much have you made?”
“…”
“Oh you’re lying!”
“…”
“Are you SERIOUS? That’s gay! Well thanks for the tip! I guess I’ll be skipping Portland then and just go straight down to Cali, LA, San Francisco… But you know, it might be different for you because you know, I’m white with blonde hair, and you’re black.”
- - -
“I don’t talk to psycho people, they’re scary. I only talk to people with money.”
- - -
I think I’ll be making a comic about this.